i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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