It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
