Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
