So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
