I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
