you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
