I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
