Can i not drive my cunt home
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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