I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
