just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
