Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
