I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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