I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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