She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
