singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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