dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
