he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
