I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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