Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
did i walk over a car last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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