apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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