My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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