im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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