just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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