It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
