It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
