I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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