You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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