Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
