I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
