You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
