While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
