Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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