The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
