At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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