Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
