i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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