were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
