6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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