I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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