Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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