you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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