these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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