I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
