It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
3 2 1 whiskey
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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