It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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