i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
