why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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