When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
