Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
