And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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