he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
