Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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