can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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