im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
