I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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