Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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