My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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