Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
