I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
