I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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