they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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