this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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