we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
