So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
