Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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